In our second blog on negotiating tips, I'll summarize the advice of expert William Ury that I wish I’d read years ago.
Ury lays out five tips that can save you a lot of grief if used wisely.
1. Go to the Balcony, not to be confused with The Godfather’s “Go to the Mattresses.” While it sounds as obscure, it’s helpful. He’s pointing out the danger of our tendency to react when attacked. Simply put, don’t try to control the other person’s behavior, control your own. “Go to the balcony” means that you buy some time to refocus on the end goal, an apt image for getting perspective on the situation and picturing yourself standing on a balcony looking down on the negotiation. Useful advice, because to engage in joint problem-solving you need to maintain your mental balance and stay focused on achieving what you want.
2. Step to Their Side. When engaged in talks it’s easy for things to go awry. Emotions get involved and viewpoints can seem almost unmanageable. You need to create a favorable climate and defuse anger, fear, hostility, and suspicion. If they attack, they expect you to do the same - so do the opposite. Listen to them, acknowledge their points, and agree with them whenever you can. Acknowledge their authority and competence. But arguing with them won’t help, in fact it will make them more abrasive. Step to their side. Look for occasions when you can say yes to them without making concessions. Here’s where subtlety and human warmth is called for, something that can’t be calculated on any spreadsheet.
Harvard Professor James Sebenius makes an important point here. Developing and maintaining a strong social contract (I’ll simply call this relationships) can be as, or even more important, than a good economic contract. This is one point we’ve found to be especially true in our business. Negotiating the spirit of a deal shouldn’t be less important than the letter contained in spreadsheets. Successful ventures generally work through problems on the basis of good relationships; when people run to check contracts it usually spells trouble. As powerful evidence of this, Sebenius quotes Felix Rohatyn, former managing partner of Lazard Freres, that “most deals are fifty percent emotion and fifty percent economics.” Relationships can be instrumental in making or breaking a deal.
3. Reframe. Simply rejecting the other side’s position makes them dig in further. Instead, when they take a hard-line position, change the game, reframe; meaning, direct their attention to the challenge of meeting the interests of each side. Reframe what they say to direct them back to the problem by asking problem-solving questions such as, Why is it that you want that? or What if we were to...? In other words, let the problem be the teacher. Keep in mind that successful negotiators ask countless questions.
4. Build them a golden bridge. People want to look good, they want to appear as though they’ve won. So help them by crafting an agreement that makes it look like they won. Fact is, everybody needs to win for the agreement to be long-term anyway. As we noted earlier, negotiation is a social process in which various parties have to participate in order for an agreement to be crafted. The process is as important as the result, and as people participate - even those initially hostile - they make the process their own.
We’ve noticed this in our negotiations, especially when there’s initial resistance to agreement. Once those people are engaged and infuse their ideas into the process, they change their tone to one of ownership and vested interest in the final outcome. In short, you have the opportunity to take people from obstructions to advocates for a negotiated agreement.
Ury says that you should think of yourself as a mediator whose job it is to make it easy for them to say yes. Involve them in the process, incorporate their ideas. Try to identify and satisfy their unmet interests, particularly their basic human needs. Don’t push, build them a golden bridge. Especially helpful, show the other side how your proposal stems from or relates to one of their ideas. This is something we try to use whenever possible, as it gives the clear signal that we’re interested in the relationship as much as the signing of a document. People want to feel they’re being heard (on all levels) and that what they say matters. Demonstrate tangibly that it does.
5. Use power to educate. After everything you do, resistance is still possible. If so, and if they think they can win without your cooperation you need to educate them to the contrary. You need to make it hard for them to say no to an agreement. Instead of threats, educate them about the costs of not agreeing. Ask reality-testing questions, demonstrate your BATNA and reduce the lure of theirs. Use only if necessary, and minimize their resistance by exercising restraint and reassuring them that your goal is mutual success, not victory. Don’t escalate, use power to educate.
Concluding thoughts to come next week, stay tuned...
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